


The Convoluted Way to Indirectly Murder Sans and Papyrus and Learn how to be a Great Actor

by comic_ztar789



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Bad Flirting, Bets are made, Body Swap, Breaking the fourth wall by yours truly, But still be prepared for insane updating schedules, Character Growth, Characters are stressed, Consequences, DONT PERFORM SATANIC RITUALS IN YOUR COLLEGE DORM, Fights, Gen, Genocide Route, How do we get home type story, I can’t believe you read all these tags, I know people like good person chara, I made it mean something else, I pray to god its understandable, Its all a dream but not really, Look people who know my work know i am shit at updating, Look their all gonna be just friends no romance, Main characters are not great actors, Or is it magic, Out of Body Experiences, Pacifist Route, Papyrus (Undertale) Remembers Resets, Patience soul - Freeform, Pink soul but its not FEAR, Real world meets game, Red soul, Sans (Undertale) Remembers Resets, Science is the answer, Shenanigans, Soufflé that will never be explained, The author thinks their funny, Torture, Undertale Saves and Resets, body horror??, but i made them evil so deal with it, but my friend will literally murder me if I don’t finish something, but we all know the truth, cursing, funny but dark, getting drunk, oh yeah nonbinary character, sans and papyrus have no idea whether to laugh at the situation or just pretend it isn’t happening, so be prepared for insane third person magic, so even if it kills me ill try and update, suffer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:42:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27450667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/comic_ztar789/pseuds/comic_ztar789
Summary: So I didn’t prepare a summary for this. So let me come up with one on the spot.(Clears throat)Hello. I’m the author.Over the years I have developed a certain set of skills.I call them “make my characters suffer”.In this story I apply that.Let me introduce Ray and Lidia. Two relatable college students.I know, I’m so original.They are roommates that both have made critical mistakes that hurtle them towards a little known game.Maybe you’ve heard of it.What was it called...Undertake?...Belowtale?...Eh whatever.Anyways they end up possessing Sans and Papyrus in this game and they’re trying to learn how to become great actors and get home.Sans and Papyrus are confused as hell.(Gasp) Who could be responsible for all this?HAHAHAHA! Read to know more.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	1. A Step by Step Guide on how to be Sans (No really they need this)

**Author's Note:**

> (Humming megalovania to self)
> 
> Ah guests!
> 
> (Sets tea down)
> 
> Welcome to my world. Where everything is funny until I decide its time for angst.
> 
> However, my lawyer has informed me I should try to make this more funny than dark. So maybe I’ll listen.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> (jumps out window)

It didn’t embarrass them to know that they didn’t have the most balanced circadian rhythm compared to other more well established examples of the human race. Yes, they would admit it was embarrassing to express in light conversation, but otherwise it just made them a part of who they are. Even if they wanted a more average sleep cycle their insomnia would be their undoing anyway so what was the point? Therefore in a classic representation of their behavior, they knew (or at least were fairly certain, they were quite a forgetful person) that they slept at approximately 6:00 am. 

Oh don’t give me that look. They do get normal  _ hours _ of sleep.

Following this logic they should have woken up late afternoon. Just in time to grace the afternoon sun with their haggard appearance. Perhaps procrastinate for a few hours to aggravate their roommate before  _ eventually  _ getting work done. That’s what they expected. 

However, someone must have decided to change the routine. Or at least had forgotten to inform them. 

Because this isn’t exactly what Ray had in mind for today. 

Ray squinted in the face of the darkness of the room. Blurred outlines of furniture and corners swam across their eyesight. It twisted and fused together as Ray tried to focus on them until they were indistinguishable from any recognizable shape in their memory. Ray sighed, giving up their attempt at painting pictures of their surroundings and opting to close their eyes again. No good to let their imagination run from them. However, for the moment it wasn’t the surroundings that concerned them but the pitch blackness of the moment. Usually, even when the blinds are drawn, light was still able to force itself into their room. Yes it was pesky and annoying, but it was familiar. It was routine. So, that left Ray with two options. One, their malfunctioning circadian rhythm got away with them and decided 15 hours was a reasonable length of time to compensate for their poor sleeping habits. If that’s the case, Ray would probably have to admit that they have a problem and start sleeping like a normal person. 

And of course that wasn’t going to happen.

So option two. 

Instead of a heavenly 8-10 hours of sleep they actually got 1 or 2. Irritating, but something they could deal with. 

Ray shifted into a more comfortable fetal position. 

Unfortunately, they won’t be able to go back to sleep. Don’t ask them why, they wouldn’t have an answer either. It’s just something that’s always been the norm. Perhaps this was some form of retaliation from their damaged sleep cycle. An act of revenge against their human host. Well unfortunately, their circadian rhythm is going to have to suck it up and deal with it because Ray is a stubborn bastard and nothing is going to change that. 

Ray opened their eyes a touch. 

Ray settled into daydream for a couple hours. Or at least until the sun comes up. This will certainly surprise their roommate. She probably won’t care, but if Ray can get the appropriate reaction out of her it will make the entire day. Ray grinned mischievously at the thought. Perhaps later Ray can take one of their few and far between naps to counteract the sleep deprivation. 

This will be the first sunny morning they were conscious for in ages.

The “daydreaming” lasted for barely 20 minutes. 

Ray found their mind oddly blank as they stared intensely at the “wall” across from them. Usually, they could occupy themselves with colorful stories and ideas that could entertain them to no end. But, they found their mind to be largely uninteresting at the moment and found a black nothingness that refused to do anything note worthy. Ray chalked it up to the absence of music filling their head. By themselves they could make up any outlandish situation and conjure up responses to said situation, but Ray always found it was easier with background music accompanying it. However there was no music, and there were no thoughts. This left Ray feeling twitchy. They were blinking too fast and flexing their hands, as their eyes darted back and forth from one black nothingness to another black nothingness. Their early awakening left Ray with all this pent up energy that they didn’t know what to do with. They felt like they could scream. 

Not wanting things to get to that, Ray determined that they should probably do something. Anything really. Play a video game. Draw something. Read something. Anything. With the sleepiness gone from their mind and a renewed sense of awareness, Ray made to jump off their super elevated bed and walk the five steps to the light switch in their dorm room. 

This wasn’t what happened. 

Their foot hit the ground much sooner than it was supposed to. 

Any train of thought that might have existed in their mind derailed off the tracks and crashed, exploding into a spectacle of fire and heat. 

Ray froze. 

Only one sentence screamed in their mind as they experimentally dragged their foot across the floor. 

_ This isn’t my bed.  _

Then came the rationalizations. 

_ Well I must have fallen asleep on the couch in the living room. _

You’ve never done that before.

_ It could happen. _

Then the floor should be tile then.

_ There’s a rug, I’m probably feeling that. _

The rug doesn’t feel like this. 

On and on the argument in their mind spiraled as their brain painted a sickening picture of what was really going on. A tightness developed in their sternum as their breathing intensified. Ray shook their head and squeezed their eyes shut as the panic riddled part of their mind supplied them with an answer. 

_ You’ve been kidnapped.  _

Oh god they were almost crying at this point. Ray retracted their foot from the floor and curled into a sitting position. They hugged themselves, afraid that the tightness in their chest would snap and they’d fall apart. They couldn’t feel their hands anymore. Ray rocked back and forth on the mattress. They breathed light and fast, afraid that if they tried to talk, baleful sobs would wrack their entire form until they were left crooked and broken, like a marionette with its strings cut loose. They were going to pass out at this rate. They gritted their teeth. 

_ Breathe dammit… _

_ Breathe _

Ray didn’t know how long they swarmed their mind with this thought, how long they were left a hyperventilating mess, until they finally managed to take a full breath. It wasn’t a deep one and they didn’t count the seconds or whatever nonsense you’re supposed to do, but it was a start. Baby steps. Breathe in. Breathe out. The static in their mind eased and Ray told themselves sweet nothings in their head as they repeated this process as if it was scripture. 

_ I can’t afford...to get into a fricking panic attack. Not now.  _

Breath in. 

Breath out. 

The feeling in Ray’s hands returned. Their mind was mostly clear, if still on high alert. Really, their mind was positively buzzing, it was incredibly high strung. Slowly, they opened their eyes. The room continued to be dark, just as it was before. Not encouraging, but expected. Ray carefully unwrapped themselves. They gripped their hands into tight fists, in order to ground them to the here and now. They glared into the darkness as they deliberated their next move. Their heart was pounding. 

After some thought, they moved to stand carefully on the squishy mattress, balancing on the balls of their feet. 

_ Let’s shed some light into this.  _

Now Ray had no possible clue as to who could have kidnapped them. Not an inkling of thought as to what maniac had an interest in kidnapping poor college students. Certainly not for ransom. They were an only child with modest middle class parents. Mom manned the house and Dad brought home the bread. Money can’t be the reason. They could always be racist. Ray’s entire family is Mexican and Mexicans weren’t exactly welcomed with open arms in a red state. But Ray hardly looked Mexican. More a vanilla than chocolate if you get my meaning. Then of course, whoever this dude was could be doing this for the fun of it. Psycho’s have existed before, even Ray could certainly encounter one now. It’s not completely illogical. But then if that’s the case that’s a whole slew of problems that Ray doesn’t have time to consider for now. Right now, Ray just wanted to see the setup. See if there are any exits to exploit or things to sabotage. Or maybe the entire room would be filled with torture devices. Unlikely, but if that was the case Ray didn’t think they could prevent another panic attack. No matter what kind of room it was though it had to have a light switch. At least, they hoped. 

Ray found a wall and started feeling for a switch of any kind. The texture of the wall felt smooth yet bumpy at the same time. If it was any other situation Ray probably would have enjoyed the feeling. They moved across the wall taking tiny steps at a time, stepping off the mattress onto the carpet. A strange scraping sound filled the dark room that Ray concentrated on ignoring. At one point they felt they were walking on pieces of paper and fabric which Ray studiously overlooked. They felt their side hit something like a cardboard box and moved to avoid it, continuing to explore every inch of the wall. More fabric. There was a weird amount of fabric on the floor for a kidnappers den. Or not. Ray wouldn’t know how kidnappers worked. Finally Ray found purchase. A hard plastic square with what felt like two buttons. Ray let a small moment of victory cloud their expression. With a satisfying click Ray was momentarily blinded by light. 

Ray turned around squinting in the process. 

Once again, their train of thought crashed and burned. 

Ray froze. 

Ugly zig zag carpet. Treadmill with a piece of paper attached. Socks everywhere. Mattress with balled up sheets kicked to the side. Ray took a cursory glance to the right hoping to whatever merciful god that they wouldn’t find what they knew would be there and saw an actual impossible tornado of trash. 

This is Sans’s room. 

“Holy shit.”

_ And that was not their voice.  _

They felt their(?) eyes widen at the several octaves lower voice that came out of their(?) mouth. Ray’s eyes shot down to their(?) hands that were more skeletal than when they fell asleep. They found themselves wearing a white t-shirt and black basketball shorts that were not theirs on a body that  _ definitely _ wasn’t theirs. Ray registered the room, themselves, and came to the most obvious conclusion their panic riddled mind could come to. 

_ Well fuck. _

Ray had heard of Undertale before. Oh yes. Not just heard of it, but was the biggest fan of it. Ray had agonized over the lore and characters in Undertale for years before realizing they should probably ease up a little. Now and again they’ll obsess over it for a couple weeks before returning to more original ideas. And yes. They had read a lot of fan fiction. Usually Ray enjoyed the more intelligent stories, but they were only slightly ashamed to say they could appreciate the trash when they felt the want for it. And oh boy was this situation sounding a lot of alarm bells in their head. Ray could count on one hand how many fan fictions they read about this specific situation. They always thought it was hilarious the kind of position the main character was put in. Now they found it immensely less humorous. 

As they stood there realizing how screwed they actually were, they reflected on the next necessary steps. 

Well they would have to pretend to be Sans which shouldn’t be too much of a problem as long as they don’t slip up. Then they’d need to find a way to not only get back to their body but get home. Alphys could probably help, but they’d need to be careful with how much they reveal. They were probably going to die a lot. Which sucks. But they can get therapy later. They’d also need to watch out for Flowey and the human. That would be a game over right there if they found out. Otherwise, everything would be just fine.

Easy right?

Ray could also of course agonize over what happened to their body. Will there be the consequence of time passing when they get back? What happened to Sans? How did this happen in the first place? Since this is basically a fanfic situation can it at least be a good fan fiction? So many things to consider. 

But no time to dwell on them. 

“HEY BROTHER!”

Ray heard the booming shout of Papyrus’s voice from beyond the burgundy wall. Either, the walls were very thin or Ray had always underestimated the sheer volume that is Papyrus. Either way, Ray winced at the sound. They heard Papyrus running down the stairs and couldn’t help the painful look that crossed their expression. They are going to have to act, and act well. Ray spotted the famous blue hoodie on the floor and the white slippers nearby. It’s going to be hard. It’s going to be absolutely terrifying. They slipped on the hoodie and appreciated how heavy it was. They stuffed their boney feet into the thin wimpy slippers. But they could do it. They have to. 

Ray shuffled to the door and paused before opening it. They sighed. They forced themselves to relax, hands in their pockets. They shut their eyes before reopening them into a half lidded gaze. An easy grin settled on their face. Ray forced their hands into fists to stop the shaking. Showtime. 

They opened the door.

A final stray thought whispered in their mind. 

_ I wonder how Lidia’s doing? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The plot is thickening my dear shrimp.
> 
> While I cannot guarantee my update schedule, I can guarantee that I know everything that’s about to happen.
> 
> Also, I have a present.
> 
> Can you guess what it is???
> 
> I will be including short snippets of future chapters in the endnotes while I write the next chapter. They will of course be deleted upon the posting of the next chapter.
> 
> Anyways, comment and kudos if you enjoyed. The serotonin gives me power.


	2. It’s a Wonderful Day in the Neighborhood, But the Readers, Ray, and the Author Know Better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HA! 
> 
> You fell for my trap!
> 
> You actually read the second chapter!
> 
> Anyways lets flip a shrimp coin and see the other side of Harvey Two Face

Lidia was doing alright all things considered. Considering the fact she was in about the same situation as Ray, but doesn’t know it yet. Or more like doesn’t  _ realize  _ it yet. 

The denial was strong with this one.

The day had ended normally yesterday. Her roommate, Ray, had dragged her from her work at around 5:00 pm to grab dinner from the dining hall with their typical “I just woke up” expression on their face. Lidia had served herself the usual standard vegetables and Ray had the same thing they had everyday, pizza. Lidia was always both amused and insulted whenever Ray looked at her plate and gagged. What’s their problem? Broccoli is  _ delicious.  _ They both chatted for a while with Lidia doing most of the talking while Ray listened and commented. Afterwards Lidia had retreated to her dorm room to have some chaotic dreams and left Ray to start their day. Or night she should say. 

Yes, a perfectly normal day. 

Suffice it to say, as soon as she opened her eyes something felt wrong. Mm, yes her Spidey senses were tingling. Something was definitely wrong. 

Now what felt off...oh yes, the bed. 

The usual comforting presence of her blessed 300 degree inducing blanket was gone and instead was replaced by a paper-thin sheet. Talk about a glitch in the matrix. Why in the world would the human race decide to label  _ this  _ sorry excuse for a blanket as a source of comfort? She felt as if she was colder than a popsicle. Goosebumps traveled throughout her entire body as she shivered in annoyance. How dare the cold wake her. Now she was going to have to go back to work. College life was a beast without the beauty. 

She huffed in annoyance. The first image that graced Lidia’s field of vision was a boring standard issue white ceiling. Yes, quite normal. However what was not normal was the absence of the hospital-like rectangular light source that was characteristic of the ceiling in her dorm room. Bland and prison like, just as college is supposed to be. Lidia frowned.

In a half asleep and slightly alarmed daze, Lidia surveyed the strange and definitely not prison like room she had woken up in. Soft white light poured out a window in the farthest corner of the room. Said light illuminated an extremely outdated computer and desk area as well as the ugly pink and blue carpet daring to grace herself with its presence. Bewildered, she took a cursory glance to her left and saw, of all things, a table covered with toys and a bookcase with thick and thin books stuffed in it. The object that stood out most to her was an old tattered pirate flag hung proudly against the burgundy wall. Wait...a pirate flag, weird toys, zig zag carpet. Then through the cloud in her mind it hit her.

_ Oh, it’s Papyrus’s room. _

She rolled her eyes.

...Pretty anticlimactic all things considering and not surprising to say the least. 

By the amount of times Ray had drilled on and on about their Undertale obsession, she couldn’t believe it had taken her  _ this  _ long for the game to finally creep into Lidia’s dreams. Undertale was usually a major conversation point in most of her talks with Ray. It was clearly Ray’s obsession and one of the few things that can always keep Ray talking excitedly for hours. Therefore, it wasn’t far into their friendship that Lidia had finally suggested that she play it. The look on Ray’s face. Lidia was worried they’d have a heart attack and die of excitement. 

God Undertale was aggravating to play, but even she had to admit the characters were gold. Speaking of, a wry grin graced her features. 

_ Ray’s gonna fangirl hard when they hear about this dream. _

Well then, what to do now? This is a dream, a lucid dream at that. She could do whatever she wanted. 

...Whatever...she...wanted…

The freedom she felt was absolutely euphoric. In the realm of her dreams she could do anything and everything. A personal paradise free from the chains of reality and dictated by no else but her. A window of time where she could finally relax and forget her trivial worries. Her mind was free. She could be anyone she wanted. She could do whatever the  _ hell  _ she wanted and there would be no consequences. Nothing to stop her.

In fact in a dream just like this one, there was a fire that got out of control and eventually killed the whole planet. 

...

Needless to say, Lidia probably shouldn’t try to cook spaghetti over a burning tree.

But hey,  _ no consequences. _

Actually, there’s an idea.

But no, she probably won’t do that.

Probably.

Well then. 

It’s time for an adventure. An Undertale adventure.

…

She’s never going to hear the end of this when she wakes up.

She pulled the thin sheets off of her with a flourish and began sitting up on the childish race car bed. Actually if she’s smart about this, this dream presents a very unique opportunity. A chance to get an in depth look at the colorful world and explore it all in vivid color. An opportunity to “meet” the characters in person. A (probably) once in a lifetime opportunity that she’ll never get the chance to experience again. Oh, she can imagine the sheer jealousy on Ray’s face in the morning. 

However, Lidia isn’t smart right now and is instead going to wreak some havoc. That will definitely annoy Ray more. 

A devious smile spread on her face. 

Lidia made to stand and happened to look down at her hands. 

_ WHAT THE HELL!? _

She froze. 

Phalanges. Metacarpals. Carpels. 

Her hand is made of bone. 

For a moment or two, Lidia stared wide eyed at her now skeletal fingers. Eventually, she relaxed as she experimentally moved one of her fingers. 

_ …Well that’s weird.  _

When her mom told her to show less skin, she didn’t know that this was the extent to which she had to go. In Lidia’s often surreal and insane dreams she usually plays the part as a different person. She doesn’t really know why and doesn’t care to find out. It’s just the way she always worked and that was fine by her. Rarely does she play as herself, and if it should happen it’s barely of note. Anyways that’s the not point here. The point is that Lidia must’ve lost a lot of weight on her way to this dream world, meaning she should probably eat another half a gallon of ice cream when she wakes up to maintain her healthy circle figure instead of being reduced to bones. 

...Hold the phone.

...Yes even those reading on a computer.

If this Papyrus’s room, did that mean that she was dreaming about being Papyrus? Really? Her ultimate favorite character in Undertale other than Flowey. Is she really going to be officially possessing his body for the duration of this dream? You bet she is.

An evil smile graced her (not) face. 

Lidia giggled as she eyed a black plastic flip phone on the desk.

This. Should. Be. Fun.

She took grand strides across the room, relishing in her new height. She swiped the phone from its charging station near the old computer as she deliberated on who she should call. 

...Oh

...OH YEAH. She should definitely call her. 

As she woke the phone from its sleep mode, Lidia snickered to herself saying, 

“Better than staring at a computer screen and clicking a bunch of random buttons.”

Papyrus’s weirdly high toned voice came out, making her laugh half surprised and half delighted. Ray would be so annoyed with her if they knew what she was saying. If there was one thing Lidia knew for sure about Ray is that video games were  _ sacred  _ to them. However, now’s not the time to think about her waking world. Now was the time for chaos. 

Step 1: call Undyne. 

Lidia remembered Ray mentioning Undyne being one of the more dangerous characters in the game. Something about a lot of spears and short tempers. Well that’s just perfect. Lidia needed someone interesting to test the limits and push her luck with and Undyne is definitely going to be a hilarious one. The foreboding image of Undyne, confused as hell by none other than the Great Papyrus. Beautiful.

She scrolled through the outdated phone, ignoring all the notifications from the “Undernet” (the majority of the notifications came from Alphys), and went straight to contacts. 

…

Why are there so many contacts???

After painfully scrolling through the billions of numbers Papyrus had stored in his phone, Lidia found one simply titled “Undyne”. Finally. 

She pressed the button to call and raised the phone to her nonexistent ear, trying to stifle her snickers.

Calling…

“Hey Papyrus, what’s up?” Undyne fiercely asked. Lidia blinked. Honestly, she always thought everything Undyne said and did was unnecessarily aggressive. Whatever. What was of actual note was the muffled and slightly metallic sound of her voice through the phone. She must be wearing that guard armor. Honestly that armor was so extra.

“Why hello there, my dear friend, Undyne the Undying. I have decided to ditch my job and instead ask you if you want to go shopping.” 

“...Wait what?” It obviously sounds like Papyrus and Undyne didn’t shop together much. Shame. 

“Yeah, shopping. You know, for boots, twigs, torches, vitamins, and of course, LED light bulbs. What will we do with those items? You can only guess. Offer them to the Holy Ghost of Michael Jackson’s imaginary dog: Bob.” A pause.

“What ARE you talking about???” 

She agreed, Lidia was just as confused and had no idea what the hell she was saying. Her brain was in this fazed state where she decided to just say what’s on her mind. Her very very chaotic mind. 

“Yeah, and when we’re done shopping we can get pedicures and drown in mud to say that we rose from the ground and came from the bottom. Then we could write a ballad about how we love life and…”

The conversation, mostly one sided, only lasted for so long what with Undyne’s quickly diminishing patience and with the only increasing fervor of Lidia’s random “conversation” topics. Finally, Undyne yelled out, “PAPYRUS! TELL ME WHAT THE HELL IS GOIN-”

With a snicker, Lidia hung up the phone. Oh she’s going to pay for that later, but who cares. Annoying Undyne? Check. Now, getting food poisoning from the thousands of plates of spaghetti that Papyrus has made? Pending.

Lidia burst through the overly decorated door that led to Papyrus’s room and began skipping down the staircase, feeling very light with the lack of…well everything. Being a skeleton certainly has its perks. For one thing, there are no demeaning weight standards set by society. She’ll give being a skeleton five stars. Lidia soon landed on the ground floor and made a beeline towards the kitchen. The blurred images of the contents of the living room flashed in her peripheral vision, but she hardly gave them a second glance. It felt as if her mind was floating, nothing felt real. In fact, she hardly registered  _ anything _ in this fantasy of hers. 

She ripped open the fridge with probably a little more force than necessary and her mouth fell wide open. 

“Wow…”

The fridge was completely filled with spaghetti containers, piled one on top of the other. The fridge was positively exploding with spaghetti. There was hardly any space for anything else. The spaghetti gods would be pleased. Now, how much of the spaghetti could she eat before developing a debilitating stomach ache?

As she made to grab one container from the precariously balanced Jenga puzzle, she paused. Ray, definitely mentioned something about monster food. Didn’t it just… disappear? How would that even work? Oh well. Now’s her chance.

Lidia grabbed five containers of warm (what kind of fridge is this???) spaghetti and delivered them to the dining table. That pet rock was there waiting for her. Perfect company. She settled herself at the table and began downing the first Tupperware. The experience was...otherworldly. 

At first it tasted warm, stale, and weird. That was  _ expected.  _ Then, once it slithered down her now-imaginary digestive system, it suddenly morphed into something burnt and really hot. What the heck? It was disgusting, horrifying, and straight up strange. It was like earthworms were going down inside of her throat, setting themselves on fire halfway through, and then disappearing into thin air. Oddly, against what seemed to be common sense, Lidia felt the need to eat more spaghetti despite this.

This was great.

However, after a moment or two of eating poison Lidia felt dissatisfied with the company of her new rock buddy and decided to call for some more living company. Who else was going to be witness to her momentary insanity? I think we all know who. She cupped her hands and yelled out in the loudest volume she could muster, “HEY BROTHER!!!”. 

The sound seemed to shake the foundations of the house and probably echoed off the cave walls of the Underground. Satisfied, she waited expectantly. 

_ I wonder if that scream was loud enough? _

Soon enough though, her patience was rewarded when she heard the telltale sound of a door opening and the quiet shuffling that could only have originated from one person. 

Behold...

There at the foot of the staircase, Sans the skeleton finally made his grand appearance. 

“hey bro.”

Sans approached the dining table where the crime scene was laid out. Papyrus, secretly Lidia, was in the middle of choking down the fourth container of spaghetti. Lidia, fought to hide the smile that desperately wanted to come out. 

_ Oh...the pasta-bilites… _

How was she going to mess with him? Only god knows. Which I guess would be me…but you're not supposed to acknowledge my existence. 

For now, Lidia decided to be an exaggerated version of Papyrus, and therefore bombarded Sans with unimaginable excitement, “HELLO BROTHER! How is your day going so far? Did you remove that sock and feed your pet rock?” Sans blinked. He stood silent for a moment, which if her calculations were correct wasn’t really out-of-the-ordinary according to how Ray described him. 

“uh...no.” His voice sounded like he went through puberty five times. His voice dropped so low it reached Lidia’s human height. She tried not to let a twinge of disappointment affect her dastardly plans. She would have expected Sans to make a pun at this point. She was a big fan of puns, puns that would cause Ray no small amount of annoyance and frustration which would then cause her delight and glee. 

“Well how many times do I have to tell you to feed your pet rock!” Sans chuckled and stared at the point beyond Lidia’s head, “Probably a couple more times bro.” Lidia cocked her head. What a...normal response. Honestly when are the puns going to come? Lidia had already come up with at least 20 rock puns already. Oh well. “Anyway, if you meet Undyne, tell her that I am still waiting for her to accept my offer.” 

“Sure” Sans said. 

Sans stood for a minute watching Lidia eat with a strangely blank look on his face, well as blank as a face could be if it was smiling all the time. It was kind of creepy. Eventually, the spaghetti gods took mercy on her and Sans sauntered off towards the ugly green couch and collapsed on it. He was probably waiting for his shift to start. Lidia continued to slurp down the last plate of spaghetti, feeling every ounce of regret with every forkful. 

“What job do you have to go to right now?” Lidia asked. 

A pause

“Don’t you know?” 

She huffed. Of course she doesn’t know that’s why she’s asking him. 

“Well is it the hot dog stand or the stand-up comedy place? I guess you can say that you can’t stand work. But hey, you’re still standing.”

A flash of an emotion Lidia couldn’t pinpoint crossed Sans’s face, before returning to its carefully blank if now confused expression. Sans slowly turned his head to stare at Lidia who was too busy laughing at her own joke to notice. She was funny, even in her dreams.

“That was...good?”

“Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.” Lidia was mentally chanting ‘I’m Still Standing’ but with a guy’s high-pitched voice so it sounded absolutely terrible. It sounded like crackers crumbling against a chalkboard. She slammed her plate and fork on the wood grain of the table with childish glee. 

Step two: eating an exorbitant amount of bad pasta. Check. Now what next?

Anything she wanted.

The next step was obvious.

Lidia set her sights on the peaceful town of Snowdin. If she was going to be Papyrus for a day, why not be the  _ most  _ Papyrus than even Papyrus himself. She would brag about her greatness until she made a public nuisance of herself. She would become so exaggerated and comical until she became unrecognizable to the monsters of Snowdin. She stood from her place at the table, a wide grin settled on her face. 

_ Let’s go for a little morning run through the village. _

Just as she sprinted through the front door she distantly heard Sans yell, “Wait, hold on!” 

Lidia performed a masterful Naruto run out into the snowy paths of Snowdin. Snow drifted lazily through the air as her mind drifted once again. She wondered how President Snow would feel if he did the Hunger Games in Undertale and killed all the humans. That would save the King Asgore guy some trouble and probably quench President Snow’s hunger for blood. 

Oh look. Her first audience. 

A gathering of monsters were scattered about outside. Most of them seemed to be minding their own business staring off into the distance or chatting quietly with someone. Pure white snow crunched like chips under her boots, the sky was hazy and grey hiding the claustrophobic stone ceiling from view. She approached them, gaining their attention. Ray said monsters were rumored to be nicer than humans. Time to put that to the test.

She looked at their weird forms and smiled brightly. 

“Why hello world! It is I, the Great Papyrus, blessing you with my presence!” She spotted a group of monsters not much farther away than this one staring at her, questioningly. She addressed them as well. “Hello, my fellow comrades! You look lovely and I especially admire your gooey eyes and lack of arms today because it really compliments your upside down soul!” Bewildered looks crossed the monster’s faces. Some of their eyes darted to their chests as if Lidia really could see their souls. Others were so stunned they could only stare at Lidia unblinking. Satisfied, Lidia was about to move on when suddenly she heard heavy breathing behind her. She turned to find Sans clearly struggling to catch his breath.

“Hhhh...wait….hhh...wait a second…”

He was bending down, his hands resting against his knees. Sans could run? Wait, did Sans like to play tag or something?

Lidia approached Sans. In between breaths he looked up at her and the relief in his eyesockets was almost audible. However, unfortunately for him Lidia wanted to see how fast Sans could run. Without warning, she poked the top of his skull with a “boop!” and then started to sprint away, laughing like a maniac. 

The cold wind of Snowdin town whipped right through Papyrus’s bones as she ran like the Flash. The world was a blur to her with color and shape melting into one another until she couldn’t tell what was people and what wasn’t. Not that that really mattered. Lidia had a large childish grin on her face. She hasn’t played tag in a while and besides, Sans looked like the type of chill dude to enjoy a nice game of tag. 

Ooh, more monsters.

“Did you guys know that the Gangnam Style was literally a dance to showcase the crab walk and criticize society about global warming?!” Lidia screamed. all the monsters within a mile radius could hear her. Everyone was a witness to her. Lidia loved to listen to Papyrus’s comically high-pitch voice. It was just so iconic, like when Ray did the voices during her play through. So she continued to yell and run, now chanting Bohemian Rhapsody loudly in a military-like tune. 

She turned back and from a distance saw Sans falling behind. Poor guy had short legs. She knew how it felt to be short too. Now she might as well be a basketball player. 

Everyone was staring. Something was wrong.

Especially when she yelled out, “Hey what’s up! The sky! Or the movie!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s da snippet. I hope you like.
> 
> —-
> 
> “SHIT!!!”
> 
>   
> Ray had scrambled off the coach and sprinted after them. Well “sprinted”. It wasn’t even two seconds out the door that Ray was about ready fall, die, and be happy about it. They were exhausted. Drowning would have been preferable to whatever that was. They were gasping for air as if they were a fish out of water. Which, in some adrenaline riddled space in Ray’s mind, didn’t even make sense since they didn’t have lungs now. Still, they pushed on damning Sans’s short legs in the process. In between dying and coming back to life again, Ray saw Lidia do about, oh, a million things that pretty much confirmed Ray’s previous suspicions. Implying that she could see the monster’s souls (why). Pointing out a monster's lack of arms (Why). Finally, naruto running (WHY???). 
> 
> Ray was about ready to cry at this point. 
> 
> —-
> 
> I hope you like or else you’ll need to be sacrificed to the spaghetti gods. 
> 
> Wear a mask and kudos and comment. It gives me the power to conquer the world.

**Author's Note:**

> The plot is thickening my dear shrimp.
> 
> While I cannot guarantee my update schedule, I can guarantee that I know everything that’s about to happen. 
> 
> Also, I have a present.
> 
> Can you guess what it is???
> 
> I will be including short snippets of future chapters in the endnotes while I write the next chapter. They will of course be deleted upon the posting of the next chapter.
> 
> Anyways, comment and kudos if you enjoyed. The serotonin gives me power.


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